Iron Man 2 < Iron Man. But Downey's Still One Cool Son-of-a-Bitch

I'm going to be completely honest with you in this post.  That's right, the man is shedding his mask that he's so notorious for having and being as candid as humanly possible.  I really thought Iron Man 2 would shock and awe me with its superior awesomeness and shockfulness.  I went into the theater to catch a 10:30 AM showing on the Friday it came out with unbelievably high hopes that this movie could somehow trump the fun and all-around great time the first Iron Man was.  I left the theater, though, with only one word in mind: ehhhhhhhhhh. There was just too much stuff going on.  The first movie made me focus on Downey and just Downey and how he absolutely owned the role of Iron Man like no other actor has owned a superhero role before.  I guess the screenwriter--who kind of miffed on this one with teeth-clenching lines like "get a roof"--thought that the audience didn't want to focus on just Iron Man since they did it in the first one.  When Downey was on the screen I was like yeah! all right! be my father Robert Downey, Jr.! But it would shift to how Gwyneth Paltrow's reprised character was dealing with all of this unwanted stress, or how Don Cheadle's character was another Iron Man.  I loved Sam Rockwell and Mickey Rourke; you could even say that Rourke stole the whole movie.  I don't really know what I think of this film as an individual movie.  Obviously, everyone's going to see it because the first Iron Man was that good.  This one, while still visually stunning, just didn't do it for me like I thought it would.

Rating: LET-DOWN JOINT

Chick of the Flick - Scarlett Johansson

Ohhhhhhh man.  First appearance for ScarJo on Joints and Flicks?  Well, it had to happen some day and I'm tickled pink that today is that day.  If I said more it'd be completely ignored because there's a picture of Scarlett Johansson right below this.  Enjoy.

Song of the Flick - Highway to Hell - AC/DC

So this video may be a DEAD giveaway as to what movie I'll be reviewing on this beautiful Thursday, but I don't really care. And I'm also a rebel and won't blatantly say what I'm reviewing. Yeah, stay strong, blogger, stay strong...


Anyway, here's Highway to Hell by AC/DC, a song that I will always just rock out to.

MEMENTO. The Movie That's Backwards!

Remember when you saw The Dark Knight and thought about how incredibly and darkly awesome it was? Or when you saw The Prestige and you were shocked and awed by the revealing plot twist that Christian Bale had a twin brother? (Yeah, I just ruined that movie for those who haven't seen it.  If you haven't seen it, why the hell haven't you seen it?)  Well, what if you couldn't remember seeing these movies at all, even though you saw them recently?  It just so happens that those two movies were made by the same man responsible for Memento, a thriller-mystery starring the ridiculously handsome Guy Pearce, Carrie-Anne Moss, and the annoyingly talented Joe Pantoliano.  A memento is something that reminds you of a person or event, and that's exactly what the main character, Leonard, needs every time he does basically anything.  He has anterograde amnesia due to a blow to the skull he received during an accident involving the rape and murder of his wife.  You don't know what anterograde amnesia is? Jesus Christ, have you been living underneath a rock for the entirety of your life?  Well, for the idiots out there, anterograde amnesia is obviously short-term memory loss, and throughout the entire movie, Leonard depends on polaroid pictures, tattoos, and little notes he wrote to himself so he can function as soundly as he possibly can.  The whole movie is told in reverse, starting with the murder of some guy and ending with...sorry, can't tell you, it might ruin it.  The joint is extremely intriguing and script is unbelievably clever.  If true, creative story-telling was the only reason a movie could be praised, this would be on the top of the list.  See Memento, it's fantastic.

Rating: TIGHT JOINT

Chick of the Flick - Carrie-Anne Moss

I know what you're thinking.  Who in God's name is Carrie-Anne Moss? Okay, I understand.  Carrie-Anne might be a little bit out of her prime.  Perhaps she never even had a prime and just happened to look good in shiny leather next to Keanu Reeves in The Matrix.  *collective realization*  Yep, she's the girl from The Matrix.  But today's movie is NOT The Matrix.  Nor is it Disturbia, in which she plays a supporting role as Shia LeBeouf's unfortunate mother.  Today's movie is.......

Song of the Flick

It feels soooooo good to be back in the blogosphere, my friends.  It's been far too long.  This hiatus, which I'm sure has prompted my vast amount of readers to have suicidal thoughts because they simply can't live without my written word, has come to an end.  I was doing hard time for stealing pixie sticks from  this four-year-old girl who rubbed me the wrong way.  She had it coming.  They didn't have WiFi in jail and I kept trying to escape to get to an Internet cafe because I knew how much you wanted me.  Alas, it made my stay in the joint a little longer than I would've liked, but it was all worth it because I did it for YOU. Yes, you.  Now while you ponder whether this actually happened, listen to this song I discovered while I was doing bench-press sets with Stabby Joe.  He slapped his wife with a spatula and got a year for assault.

Here's B.O.B. and Eminem with Airplanes Part II.

Zombieland - A Deadly Fun Time! Too Cheesy? Oh, Well...

So this movie kicks some serious ass in more ways than one. First, it stars Woody Harrelson as a zombie-killer virtuoso who lives life every second as if it were his last. Oh, and he gets high. Obviously.  Second, it stars that kind of lame kid from Adventureland who's always good for a laugh-at rather than a laugh-due-to-a-joke.  Sort of a poor man's Michael Cera.  Third, the aforementioned Emma Stone and the talented, but kind of frumpy Abigail Breslin play a sister duo who also kill zombies.  And they're pretty smart.  Add all this up with one of the funnest and most original screenplays I've encountered, a director who clearly doesn't care how seriously he's taken, and a Bill Murray scene which might have stolen the show had it not been for the fact that the whole rest of the flick was fantastic, and you get grisly, hilarious cinematic fare.  See Zombieland because it's harmless and it's a good time. Nothing too profound, here, folks. Just pure fun.

Rating: TIGHT JOINT